Another border, another problem

So, if you've been reading this blog at all, you know that border guards hate me. As it turns out, it is quite the disadvantage to be "alternative looking" at borders, up to and including my own country's border. More on that later...

Today was way more productive. We got some serious miles under our belt, listened to several discs worth of book on tape, and saw some pretty countryside. Oh yeah, and ate poutine! Poutine is a yummy eastern Canadian specialty. It is actually documented in The Book of Records that poutine is the only thing Canada is good for besides fishing. Who knew?



After hours of Canadian countryside, we got to the US border at Sault. Ste. Marie, in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. As usual, we were "selected for secondary screening," rather than just waved through like 98% the cars. This means that they make you wait inside while they rip apart your car looking for contraband. They found a few old license plates from when the mini had a different registration, and were convinced that I was up to no good. They were being complete cocks, and it made me pretty upset. After a 45 minute delay, they decided I wasn't going to blow anything up, and sent us on our way.

After that hogwashery, we actual found a pretty radical campground run my some nice Yupers (slang for Upper Peninsula folks.) Taylor and I had a golf contest, which I'm pretty sure she won. Her game is really coming around.



Here is our camp spot:



The place was super quite. We watched the sunset alone, had dinner by the campfire, then listened to some audio book in the van. We've been sleeping in the van because it's easier to get going in the morning, not to mention it's been freezing outside at night. Also, the van is inherently better than a tent. No explanation needed.



Back in the USA...again.

Canadians keep stealing our shit!

So only a 45 minutes into our driving day, which started VERY late (2 p.m.), we hit our first snafu. My parents' neighbor in Rhode Island gave me a bunch of firewood, and apparently bringing wood into Canada is a worse offense that murder. So the Canadians made me turn around, go back through the US border, dump the wood on the US side (apparently those pesky bugs are afraid to walk across the border), then come back. It's understandable (invasive species, and all), but it was a hassle that took over an hour. After another 45 minutes of driving, we got stuck in Montreal traffic for over an hour. We only drove another few hours before we decided to call the day a loss, and set up camp somewhere outside of Ottawa.

All was well until a damned Canadian raccoon stole all our our bread products. I hate you, Canada.

The only thing we accomplished all day...finding a camp spot.



Better luck next time.

Every time I go to Vermont, I wake up with the worst hangover ever. Every time. Without fail.

I lived in Vermont for the better part of 7 years, and enjoyed every single one of them. I made some lifelong friends, had some unforgettable experiences, and really learned a lot about myself in those years. Going back is always a good time, and I'm real glad I was able to show Taylor my old stomping grounds. I wanted to stop by my former employer in Waterbury, but time ran short and we were passing there past business hours. Sorry fellas...next time!

Our first stop was in East Calais, VT, where two of my former roommates (now married with children) live. They are in the process of building a farm on some beautiful property after their former house unfortunately burned down. Jaime, who is the Hebrew version of Superman, saved his entire family, and the losses were minor (in perspective, anyhow). You're the man, Weendog.

Check out this Motley Crew:



After playing with chickens, goats, children, pigs, and dogs, we headed north to Burlington to see the old gang. We were invited to attend Vermont Family Dinner, which Portland Family Dinner was actually modeled after. Excellent times.

More Vermonters!



Chip is a radical dude. We got to hang out a bit during my brief visit to Burlington. He is one of those dudes who you don't have to talk to every week (or month, or quarter year) but when you see each other again, it's like nothing has really changed.



Will is another one of those dudes. Interesting facts about Will. 1.) He has had the same haircut forever. 2.) He was wearing the same shirt as when I met him 9 years ago. Now that's timeless style.



Awesome times with awesome people. I drank too much the night before, and woke up feeling like a bag of pretzels. Luckily, I recovered quickly. After attending to some business, Taylor and I were headed deep into enemy territory...CANADA!

Little Rhody, Big Fun

While it was a huge bummer to say goodbye to Europe, it was nice to get back to the US of A to see friends and family and prepare for The Great American Road Trip, V2: The Great White North. As it turns out though, Taylor and I don't really prepare for anything, so we just threw a bunch of crap in the mini and we were good to go. Let me take this opportunity to say how awesome my mini van is. I bought it for 3,800 bucks more than 3 years ago, and is now preparing for it's 4th cross country trip. Every time I meet someone, they ask me why I drive a mini van. My answer in short: Because it is better than anything your drive. Boosh!

Ok...back to Rhode Island based content. Ma Breault picked us up from the train station after a hellish trip from NYC. We flew there because it was cheaper, but after all the Metros, buses, and trains to Providence, it didn't quite work out that way. Oh well, next time. After sharing hugs, telling stories, and drinking a few beers, we had our first sleep in a familiar bed in six weeks. It felt very nice. After resting up, the following commenced:

Let's start these photos off on the right foot. Check out this gem: A double Breault, double stunt! Unprecedented! That there is my brother Justin, and he's not afraid of a super-sized dose of Vitamin Extreme, either. For the record, my Mom gets just as mad when we do this at age 28 and 30 as she did when we were 9 and 11.



We also ate all sorts of Rhode Island food, up to and including:

This cigarette smoking lobster



Chowder and Clam cakes



Wieners!

(Photo lost in archives)

...and good ol' fashioned Rhode Island cookout food



Another distinctly Rhode Island treat...Waterfire! They make suspended fires above the Blackstone River all throughout Downtown. It's a real nice free evening. Lots of people still come out, which was cool to see.


Taylor got to play with some kittens, too!



I also got to see some friends (Tom included), play some golf, and spend some quality time with the family. Until next time, Rhode Island! It's time to get our road trip on!

Things I saw Germans open beer bottles with:

1. Spatula
2. Human Mouth
3. Lighter
4. Spoon
5. Cell Phone
6. AAA Battery
7. Another Beer Bottle (empty and full)
8. Paper Plate
9. Beer Mat
10. Wall
11. Fork
12. Beer Bottle Cap

People from the west of Germany know how to pound beers. Biiiiig time. They also like to eat sausage, watch football, and talk about eating sausage and watching football. We stayed at my friend Christoph's apartment in Aachen, even though he had already moved out. It was a pretty good deal. It was great to see some friends I haven't seen in a while...like these guys here!



...and make some new ones, like this giant specimen yonder:



Christoph's family is awesome. His dad and I can have long conversations even though he doesn't speak a word of English. He may have kicked my ass at arm wrestling.



How many people have you known that have done this? My body is in Germany and my gut is in Belgium. I just had a full load of Belgian Fries (the French lie!) and I was a bit full. Wicked awesome.



We took a day trip to Amsterdam, and we were absolutely blown away by the bike culture. We were expecting a ton of bikes, but it was ridiculous! Check out the picture...there are at least 5,000 bicycles in the background. Every single structure has at least 2 dozen bikes locked to it. They have multi-level parking garages for bikes. You get the idea. I thought Portland was bike-friendly...but we've got a loooooooooooooooooooooooooong way to go. (ed. note: Amsterdam is completely flat, so that helps.)



Ok...more stuff:

We hung out at a football hooligan clubhouse!



Did ballet inspired stunts!



...and had a blast during the last few days of our trip. Thanks so much Stout and family. We had a great time. We're bummed out to be leaving Europe, but our time has come.

Next Stop, U S of A!

Ich Bein Ein Jelly Donut

...so the story goes that Kennedy's famous Berlin speech which he stated "Ich bein ein Berliner" actually translates to "I am a jelly donut." Oops. Still a historical speech, nonetheless.

Moving on. As it turns out, Berlin is completely radical, and very, very similar to Portland. Think bicycles, tattoos, bars, and lots of alternative culture. We have come to the conclusion that we would totally live in Berlin. Small language barrier, but I have been considering taking German classes at PCC, so one day, who knows?

Before I get into the details of our brief Berlin stay, I'd like to take this opportunity to endorse my new favorite bar in the entire planet, which is called Halford's Rock Cafe. It is a bar completely dedicated to Judas Priest, and to a lesser extent, all 80's metal. My favorite part about it is the complete lack of irony. The people who hang out here actually love metal, wear leather, and are complete and total dudes. In fact, in stark contrast to Portland, many things in Berlin lacked the pretension and irony that they would in PDX. For example, EVERYBODY rides bicycles, but they are completely practical and not at all nice or cool (hypocrite alert: I ride a fixed gear). As long as they have two wheels that more or less roll, it's game on. This is also true for messengers, who mostly rode mountain bikes. I talked to a bike shop employee who said track bikes are becoming a bit more popular in Berlin, but he expects it to be a fad.

Ph-ph-ph-photo time!

Check out how fucking cool this bar is! My impression of the internal monologue of the bar owner:

"hmmm...I'm running out of money for decorating my bar, but I really think we could use a 10 foot tall bust of Rob Halford out front. What to do, what to do...aww fuck it. It's only $7,000 more."



The public transit in Berlin was a bit expensive, and since the city has a remarkably good bicycle infrastructure, Taylor and I rented some bikes and rode all around the city. Here are our whips:



This bike was lacking a skid-o-meter, but I'm pretty sure I logged about 17 km of skids that day (stolen joke alert!)



We headed to some historical sites, including the Jewish Holocaust Victims' Monument. The top has over 2,000 concrete blocks of various different sizes (side note: Apparently the number of arrangement of the blocks has no symbolic significance.) Below ground is a free museum that occupies the space of Joseph Goebels' former WWII bunker. I would call that irony.



They had what they called "The Room of Letters," which was a room filled with original letters sent from doomed prisoners to their families. Most of them where thrown out of train windows or found around their person after they were killed. Amazingly, most of the ones found in this room were actually delivered to whom they were addressed. Read this:



The Brandenburger Tor was right by the memorial. This was the main gate that separated East Berlin from West Berlin when Germany was divided.



This is the last remaining portion of the Berlin Wall which was preserved for historical purposes. It is used as an art gallery now. Seeing one of the world's most recognizable symbols of oppression used as a showcase for art was a very poignant moment for Taylor and I.



Our stay in Berlin was far too short, but we had friends waiting for us on the other side of Germany. We will be back! Next stop, Aachen!

I met interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture...and punched them in the face!

...but we'll get to that in a minute. First, the Prague rundown. We got into town around midnight, and checked into our hostel. Like an idiot, I booked us in for the wrong days, and all that was left was a private room. It was a little beyond our budget, but better than knocking door-to-door on various hostels trying to find a room at that hour. Nice hostel, nice folks, good location. Most excellent.

Now how about something extremely radical! I've known about the Kosnice Ossuary outside of Prague since I was in high school. It is a church whose inside is decorated with human bones. The remains of 40,000 plague victims, to be exact. Taylor and I hopped on a train to the little town of Kutna Hora, and hoofed it up to the church. I was fully prepared to be underwhelmed, but boy was I wrong. Check this shit out!

This is going to be on the cover of our death metal record:



This, too:



Skulls and bones:



This chandelier includes every bone in the human body at least once:



So cool...totally worth the day trip from Prague:



On our second day in Prague, we were riding the metro towards the center of town when some sucka-fool pick pocketed my camera out of my day bag. Luckily, I thought something was up and saw some dude walking away with it under his hat. I stiff-armed him in the face, grabbed my camera back, and then gave him a good right jab in the nose. Ha! I win this time, Prague!

Here is a dramatic reenactment of the event:



The Prague metro system installed new signs on all trains:




No big deal. Prague was fun times. Met some nice folks, drank some wine, and ate some good food (as well as some McDonalds.) Next stop, Berlin.

Back in the West:

Budapest...yeah, more like BudaBEST!

As it turns out, Budapest is a completely radical city. Even though Taylor and I spent the majority of our time there lost on various forms of transit, spent 3 nights in three different hostels, ate American fast food a bunch, and almost couldn't find an affordable way out of town, we both really liked it. It is completely livable, has a really strong history of social/political rebellion, and has beautiful architecture. Our first day in town was Taylor's birthday, but we took an overnight train from Belgrade which we didn't get much sleep on, and she was asleep by 11. I checked us into a private room in a college dorm that was completely deserted, so at least we had that going for us. Happy Birthday, Taylor!

OOOOk...on our second day in town we took a bus to the outskirts of Budapest to a outdoor museum called Memento Park. Hungary is one of the few countries to publicly recognize and educate outsiders about their communist past, and this park was a pretty powerful reminder of that. The museum gathered many of the giant statues that celebrated communist brotherhood (huge statues of Stalin, a giant communist soldier, statues of happy workers, cubist statues of Marx and Engels) and put them all in one place. The park itself could have used a little landscaping, I suppose, but the statues themselves were really enjoyable for the both of us. They also showed a film (thankfully subtitled in English) that was a collection of dozens of secret communist police videos instructing agents how to spy on the people. Some really interesting Big Brother stuff. None of the films had credits, so nobody knows who made them, who starred in them, etc. They just know that they were shown at a Secret Police College. Incredibly interesting.

Go Lenin, it's ya birthday, we're gonna party like it's ya birthday...



Oh...and since it's your birthday Lenin, check out my fucking stunt!



Incredibly huge statue...honestly not sure what this one is about, but it's radical nonetheless:



We also went to a Turkish bathhouse right on the shores of the Danube River. Budapest is located above a bunch of hot and cold springs, and they channel them all into these spots. The one we went to was a bit pricey, but it was a real nice way to spend an afternoon, just lazing about, going swimming, sitting in hot tubs, having swim races, reading and falling asleep face down in the grass:



Oh, what? Two stunts in the same post? Yes, ma'am:



Other tidbits of interest;

Look kids, Parliament!



A bridge!




Taylor and I both agree that on a future Europe trip, we will start in Spain, fly to Budapest, and travel further east in Europe or Russia. Totally great city. As I write this, we're on a bus just outside of Bratislava, Slovakia en route to Prague, Czech Republic. Get into it!